whats your jobbie?

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crusto
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by crusto » Wed Mar 08, 2017 6:23 pm

Katzkatz wrote:
crusto wrote:
It was quite stubborn too, resisting a couple of transportation attempts.
Be careful, you're not meant to push too much - it's meant to ease out naturally for the most part. Apparently, placing too much strain on your bowel muscles can lead to problems like hemorrhoids. Also, you're meant to squat - as scientists think that's one of the problems, because our ancient ancestors did that, but nowadays we sit down on a toilet.
Sorry katz, by transportation attempts I meant flushes. :lol:

However, while the subject of pushing techniques is active I would like to recommend the relax and let flow method. It worked wonders for that monster.
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Katzkatz
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Katzkatz » Thu Mar 09, 2017 8:27 am

crusto wrote:
Katzkatz wrote:
crusto wrote:
It was quite stubborn too, resisting a couple of transportation attempts.
Be careful, you're not meant to push too much - it's meant to ease out naturally for the most part. Apparently, placing too much strain on your bowel muscles can lead to problems like hemorrhoids. Also, you're meant to squat - as scientists think that's one of the problems, because our ancient ancestors did that, but nowadays we sit down on a toilet.
Sorry katz, by transportation attempts I meant flushes. :lol:

However, while the subject of pushing techniques is active I would like to recommend the relax and let flow method. It worked wonders for that monster.
Ahhh, the multiple flush attempts. Been there and done that many times. Especially after the loo brush scrub down as well.

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Liamh1982
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Liamh1982 » Fri Mar 10, 2017 5:18 pm

So luminous I thought I'd eaten these:
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Katzkatz
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Katzkatz » Sat Mar 11, 2017 10:56 am

Just released my load. It's such a joyous feeling afterwards. Really makes my day. It's one of life's great joys. Anyone else agree on that?

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aztecca
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by aztecca » Sat Mar 11, 2017 3:07 pm

Katzkatz wrote: It's one of life's great joys. Anyone else agree on that?

No I don't agree. Not at the moment anyway. I have raving piles and leave what looks like the contents of a tin of plum tomatoes in the pan and walk around looking like John Wayne for half an hour afterwards.
SH1T HAPPENS :wink:

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Carrot007
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Carrot007 » Sat Mar 11, 2017 4:27 pm

In case people need to know, blue curacao will turn your poo blue.

Well blue at first turning thought green back to normal.

Fun!

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crusto
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by crusto » Mon Mar 13, 2017 1:00 pm

I had a harrowing experience yesterday, simply harrowing :cry: . I've only just found the courage to write about it... :oops:

I was following my normal Sunday routine - a nice brekkie followed by a visit, but my body had other ideas. I'll cut to the chase - it took around 1/2 - 3/4 of an hour to pass what I can only describe as a (very) angry tennis ball.

I struggled so much I was seriously considering manual removal at one point as I didn't think I was going to be able to complete the jobbie. The problem was I was stuck in a halfway house type scenario. I was too far gone just to button myself up and try again later, but at the same time was simply unable to push this monster out.
I tell thee now, it honestly felt like I was having contractions throughout. After a long war of attrition I was left covered in sweat and feeling very light headed, and then, as if by magic, it finally shot out and annihilated the pan. I don't think I have ever had such a sense of relief as I felt my sphincter gradually return to normal. I honestly have no idea how this thing found its way out without causing damage.

Ironically, my diet these last couple of weeks is far better than it has ever been, and this is how my body rewards me For it?? :twisted: . Eff it, straight to the curry house for me tonight.

I'm now taking Fybogel religously
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The Beans
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by The Beans » Mon Mar 13, 2017 2:24 pm

crusto wrote:I tell thee now, it honestly felt like I was having contractions throughout. After a long war of attrition I was left covered in sweat and feeling very light headed, and then, as if by magic, it finally shot out and annihilated the pan. I don't think I have ever had such a sense of relief as I felt my sphincter gradually return to normal. I honestly have no idea how this thing found its way out without causing damage.
See, this is where all the augmented reality tech can really shine imo. After a tussle like that there really should be a big Achievement Unlocked sort of thing floating in front of your face as you collapse knock-kneed off the bowl. With all those fitness wristwatch thingies knocking about it should be child's play to have techology set up so it knows you're sitting down and struggling to squeeze out a volkswagen and then detect the end of a successful mission. Then tell you how many calories you used and if you've earned an extra Mars Bars.
If it's slower than me, dumber than me and it tastes good ... tough titty.

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nokgod
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by nokgod » Fri Mar 17, 2017 7:10 pm

I kid you not Beans, crusto took longer describing it to me over party chat than he did actually doing it. Be assured, I provided proper counselling. :D

Mine was vaguely disappointing today. Was expecting great things only to be faced with three medium sized slugs. One appeared to have been too near to the salt cellar although the other two did leave a trail.
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Katzkatz
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Katzkatz » Mon Mar 27, 2017 1:03 am

I saw this and thought of this topic thread :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/artic ... -salt.html

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crusto
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by crusto » Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:38 pm

nokgod wrote:I kid you not Beans, crusto took longer describing it to me over party chat than he did actually doing it. Be assured, I provided proper counselling. :D

Mine was vaguely disappointing today. Was expecting great things only to be faced with three medium sized slugs. One appeared to have been too near to the salt cellar although the other two did leave a trail.
I need to add to this a little mr beans, for clarification purposes.

Indeed, I did go into great detail about my ordeal. And the right honourable Nokgod was a pillar of strength in my time of need. However, I started to worry when he asked me to recap the story a little while later. And then again just before going offline. I fear he may be developing a poo fetish. :o
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aztecca
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by aztecca » Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:35 pm

Lamb biryani with madras sauce last night.4 sprays ive made of the pan today. Like shaking a bottle of fizzy pop then letting the lid off.my guts are in tatters today had stomach cramps all chuffin day.
SH1T HAPPENS :wink:

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Katzkatz
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by Katzkatz » Fri Mar 31, 2017 4:50 pm

aztecca wrote:Lamb biryani with madras sauce last night.4 sprays ive made of the pan today. Like shaking a bottle of fizzy pop then letting the lid off.my guts are in tatters today had stomach cramps all chuffin day.
@Aztecca - Then why do you put your intestines and backside through such pain and torment then? Is the allure of curry so strong that you can not resist it? :lol:

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crusto
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by crusto » Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:11 pm

^ I'll speak for him - absolutely yes. The lure of a good ruby is truly irresistible, food of the gods.

I've had yet another harrowing experience around 15 minutes ago. Another labour like experience, very painful. I had a look at the end result once it had left me and it was like looking down at a fully grown adult python. I had to chop it up in order to get it to flush. If I were to hazard a guess at its size I would say 400-600mm.

The top end was almost touching the rim of the pan, the body of it disappeared out of sight (must have curled back on itself) and its bottom end finished around half way up the pan. A true monster in every sense of the word.

I feel violated.
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aztecca
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Re: whats your jobbie?

Post by aztecca » Sat Apr 01, 2017 7:42 pm

Katzkatz wrote: @Aztecca - Then why do you put your intestines and backside through such pain and torment then? Is the allure of curry so strong that you can not resist it? :lol:

No idea katz I must subconsciously like a bit of anal and gut s&m.
Ive just ate 2 sheesk kebabs in a fresh naan bread plastered in hot chilli sauce.So I know tomorrow mornings eartha kitt isn't going to be pleasant.
SH1T HAPPENS :wink:

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