Free to you for a giggle or a decent trade. NEW PRIZES

When the other folders just won't do!

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ToxieDogg
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by ToxieDogg » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:07 pm

miner2049er wrote:Gottlieb Collection on PSP Please.

A man comes home from work to find his daughter masturbating with a cucumber.

He says: "You dirty censored! I was going to eat that later! Now it will taste of cucumber!"

I thank you.
:lol: :lol:

Give this man a prize. :)
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gman72
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by gman72 » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:18 pm

ToxieDogg wrote:
miner2049er wrote:Gottlieb Collection on PSP Please.

A man comes home from work to find his daughter masturbating with a cucumber.

He says: "You dirty censored! I was going to eat that later! Now it will taste of cucumber!"

I thank you.
:lol: :lol:

Give this man a prize. :)
Wasn't he gonna donate his prize to you if he won or was that someone else. :wink:
Yeah, it was funny but for some reason i did not laugh, on another day i might have done but not today. He should keep trying though.
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by Shinobi » Mon Apr 30, 2012 3:38 pm

I bumped into an old mate today.
He said, "What you up to these days?"
I said, "I prepare meals for the homeless, druggies, censored heads and down 'n' outs."
He said, "So you work in a charity drop in centre?"
I said, "No, I'm a chef in a Wetherspoons pub."
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by thingonaspring » Mon Apr 30, 2012 7:55 pm

Haha - I think I might have used up my best efforts already sadly... still, I'll try :D

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.

I'm taking my little girl to her first day at preschool today and you know what that means - tears, tantrums and whining. I hope I don't embarrass her.

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a momen, adjusted his glasses , and leaned over towards her and whispered "Excuse me but is that one word or two?".

I bought my mate a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it!

I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.

A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks, “Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?”. The shop keeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?”. The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, leans forward and whispers… “I don’t wealy fink my pyfon gives a phuc”.

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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by hanging » Tue May 01, 2012 8:41 am

Ok trying for the Castlevania here if it hasn't gone... though I only know jokes that go pretty close to the mark.. here's some of the cleaner ones.

Went into Boots and a woman said she was doing a survey on what grooming products i use. I replied "Facebook and smarties usually".
---
Walking through the estate to work this morning, gang of lads attacked us, pelting us with chocolate, cream and cherries. life's tough in the gateaux
---
I was down the gym this morning when i noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger into. Anyway, she's now made a formal complaint and i'm barred for life
----
One day little Johnny hears a noise coming from his parents’ bedroom, so he peeks in to check it out. He finds his mum bent over the dresser, her dress pulled up, and dad going at her from behind. His dad sees Johnny and winks.
Afterwards the dad goes to check on Johnny. He finds grandma bent over the dresser and Johnny going at it from behind her.
Dad yells: “What are you doing?!”
To which Johnny winks and replies: “Not so funny when it’s your mum, is it!?”

And the last one..

Two women talking. "do you look at your husband's face when you have sex?" "i did once and he looked really angry" "why angry?" "he was watching from the window..."
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by hash47 » Tue May 01, 2012 9:14 am

What did Batman get from his parents for his birthday?

Nothing, their dead.

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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by gman72 » Tue May 01, 2012 1:16 pm

Really good efforts from Thingonaspring and Hanging who are both playing for Nocturne in the Moonlight. Some great jokes that made me smile but no laughter yet. Please keep trying, guys.

1st 3 winners prizes sent out today. First class Royal Mail so they should be with the lucky winners in a couple of days.
:D
“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.” —Allen Ginsberg, WD

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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by JetSetWilly » Tue May 01, 2012 1:36 pm

Farmer dies and goes to heaven. Appearing before God, he gets told:
You can have three wishes that are grated upon your return to Earth. So, the farmer asks for:

A younger wife, with blonde hair and big norks
to win £50,000,000 on the lottery
the worlds biggest c0ck

The farmer wakes up, with a suitcase full of money to his left, his 30-year old blonde, big norked wife to his right, and in front of him, George W. Bush. The farmer asks "what are you doing here?" Bush replies "well, you did ask for the worlds biggest c0ck....."
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by ToxieDogg » Tue May 01, 2012 3:41 pm

Ok, I'm going to play for Guardian Heroes Advance, as I'd like to give it a go after enjoying Guardian Heroes on the Saturn.

Superman is flying around Metropolis when he sees an open window near the top of an apartment block. He takes a closer look and inside he sees Wonder Woman, naked and alone, eyes closed and apparently in the middle of pleasuring herself. So Superman decides to take his chances and have a quickie. At super speed, he whizzes in through the open window, has sex with Wonder Woman and then whizzes back out before she even notices anything.

Wonder Woman opens her eyes and glances towards the window 'Hmm, I think there's a bit of a draft blowing in' she says.

The invisible Man climbs off her and says 'I don't know about that, but my @rse is killing me all of a sudden.'
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by delbert_trout » Tue May 01, 2012 6:13 pm

hanging wrote:..... the boy then turns to his mother and says "Well, are you going to tell him or shall I?"
Nice one! I'm nicking that :lol: :lol:
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by crusto » Tue May 01, 2012 6:44 pm

Dunno if its gone but gimme sotn, why? Cos I want it mofo.

The Beach: A story of tragedy, starring Dave the Dweeb and Penelope Pissflap

Dave is walking along the beach one day and nearly trips over a beautiful woman stranded there. Upon closer inspection he discovers that she is without limbs :shock: . He asks her "Are you Ok?" Weeping uncontrollably she relpies "No, I plan to end it all". "Why?" retorts a puzzled Dave. "Its because no man ever pays me the slightest bit of attention, I simply do not exist to them, I am so lonely. I may as well be dead"

"Please, let me help you" replies Dave. Penny looks at Dave longingly and replies "OK". "Well, what would you have me do?" "Well, I have never even been held before". Dave lovingly puts his arms about Penny's stump shoulders and gives her a long, warm embrace. Penny's mood lightens ever so slightly. "Thank you so much. You know, I have never been kissed, not since I was a child in my fathers arms". Without further ado Dave worked his magic, giving Penny a passionate, meaningful kiss, as though he were her lover.

"Thank you, you are a kind loving man". "But still, this is not enough, no man has ever aurally pleasured me before. Am I to die not knowing what it is like to feel such a thing?" "Of course not" Dave replied, and he eagerly got to work on his meal. After a prolonged spell of cunny lingus Dave lay down beside Penny. "Are you satisfied my dear?" He asked "It was a beautiful experience, thank you so very much. You are an angel among men. But alas, it is still not enough" "Not enough?" replied Dave "What else could you possibly want?"

"I HAVE NEVER BEEN FUCKED" shouted Penny, clearly still aroused after her aural pleasure. "Well you are now" replied Dave "The tides coming in"

Yes, I will get my coat. :P
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gman72
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by gman72 » Wed May 02, 2012 1:24 pm

Has everyone given up, or just thinking of better jokes :D
Keep on playing, guys, I do have some other nice bits to offload but want some of the current prizes won first.
“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.” —Allen Ginsberg, WD

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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by mainvein » Wed May 02, 2012 1:40 pm

im still in need of a few items for my chin elongation experiments. Current chin size is a Lynham but new retro-item themed massage techniques means that a Hill is possible within a fortnight. Apparantly Japanese PS1 games slapped onto the lower face protrusion at a 45degree angle whilst holding a shaved otter work wonders
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by gman72 » Wed May 02, 2012 2:18 pm

mainvein wrote:im still in need of a few items for my chin elongation experiments. Current chin size is a Lynham but new retro-item themed massage techniques means that a Hill is possible within a fortnight. Apparantly Japanese PS1 games slapped onto the lower face protrusion at a 45degree angle whilst holding a shaved otter work wonders
I like your thinking, mate. This is the kind of Phytonesque, left-field gibberish that will have me cracking up before long. Keep trying. :D
“To gain your own voice, you have to forget about having it heard.” —Allen Ginsberg, WD

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tachi
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Re: Free to you if you can make me giggle (Star Prize Added)

Post by tachi » Wed May 02, 2012 2:26 pm

gman72 wrote:Has everyone given up, or just thinking of better jokes :D
Keep on playing, guys, I do have some other nice bits to offload but want some of the current prizes won first.
Had my one serious go, think I'll leave it to funnier folk than me :)
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