Haha - I think I might have used up my best efforts already sadly... still, I'll try
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 pills at me. Don't worry, I only suffered super fish oil injuries.
I'm taking my little girl to her first day at preschool today and you know what that means - tears, tantrums and whining. I hope I don't embarrass her.
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements, and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a momen, adjusted his glasses , and leaned over towards her and whispered "Excuse me but is that one word or two?".
I bought my mate a fridge for his birthday. You should have seen his face light up when he opened it!
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks, “Excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?”. The shop keeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says, “Do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle bwown one over there?”. The little girl blushes, rocks on her heels, leans forward and whispers… “I don’t wealy fink my pyfon gives a phuc”.