Best Insults Ever...

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Oh not again!
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Best Insults Ever...

Post by Oh not again! » Thu Sep 11, 2008 6:58 pm

I've read a number of great insults on this forum, such as:

Rev. Stuart Campbell's: "As my gran used to say, 'If you can't say anything useful, why don't you just f*ck off you useless censored!'"

felgekarp's(sig): "You c*ck juggling thunder c*nt!"

and

Rossi46's(sig): "Prayer: How to do nothing and still think you're helping"

Anyone else got any favourites?

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rossi46
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Post by rossi46 » Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:05 pm

Before someone points it out - my sig is a quote! I can't take the credit.

Great idea for a thread, though.
Thoughts and prayers.

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pantal00ns
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Post by pantal00ns » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:34 am

In a discussion with a Junior employee a few years ago I asked


"How did you get to 20 without a Brain"

Reply

"Same way you got to 30"



Cheeky whipper-snapper :wink:

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TheDude18
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Post by TheDude18 » Fri Sep 12, 2008 2:56 am

I think "c*ck juggling thunderc*nt" is from Blade 3.

Still a great insult though.

One of my co-workers had a barney(no not the half-life character) with my boss when the co-worker shouted "You cant get rid of me, I'm indispensable!" The reply was swift "There's plenty of 'indispensable' staff in cemetery".
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Tapey297
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Post by Tapey297 » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:19 am

Not an original one but a personal fave: when someone is talking rubbish say "If I wanted to listen to an ass-hole I'd fart"

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TheDude18
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Post by TheDude18 » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:27 am

Good one. You've reminded me of this one(which i think is from a film)

"Opinions are like arseh*les - everyone's got one"
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Dudley
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Post by Dudley » Fri Sep 12, 2008 3:42 am

There's the old classics

"If you were my husband I'd poison your coffee."
"If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

And

"You're drunk"
"And you're ugly. But I'll be sober in the morning."
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bolda
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Post by bolda » Fri Sep 12, 2008 4:02 am

Overheard the woman next door giving her 6-year-old daughter a telling-off...

"How do you think I feel when MY friends tell ME that THEY don't like YOU!?"

Bit harsh to throw at a 6-year-old, but got her point across I think! :shock:
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R. Prime
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Post by R. Prime » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:02 am

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bi*tch."

(copied & pasted from a Friday email)

As for personal insults, I got called "sanctimonious" and "pedantic" today for asking a friend to reflect on her behaviour as to why she can't stay for a few days.
You'd think that someone who stays with you for weeks for free and does nothing but surf the net, avoid the dishes, dominate the loungeroom, boast about how much rent she's saving, and use the expression "Licking out fish flavoured fannies" in front of your stepfather who she has only just met half an hour before (who has come to stay), might have cause to do so.

(apologies just venting!)

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Darthhelmet
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Post by Darthhelmet » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:19 am

My friend wouldn't stop using statistics to prove his points, after much annoyance and hints that he should stop doing that I launched my first attack,

"75 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot" (And yes that statistic is made up)
He launched a rebuttal,
"75 percent of you is ugly"
For which I came pack with my ultimate special move,
"Yeah that might be true, but the other 25 percent was doing your mum last night"
There was and could be no come back and my mate stopped using the statistics from then on. :o
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leefishuk
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Post by leefishuk » Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:51 am

I was at a comedy night and some censored was heckling a comedian (who was quite funny).

Quick as a flash he replied

"You are out of order. I don't come round to your job and knock the censored out of your mouth do I?"

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Oh not again!
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Post by Oh not again! » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:09 am

R. Prime wrote:"Licking out fish flavoured fannies"
Reminds me of Benjamin Franklin's classic line "Fish and visitors smell in three days." :)

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Smurph
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Post by Smurph » Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:51 am

leefishuk wrote:I was at a comedy night and some censored was heckling a comedian (who was quite funny).

Quick as a flash he replied

"You are out of order. I don't come round to your job and knock the censored out of your mouth do I?"
Jimmy Carr.

Although I believe he said 'I don't come down the docks and slap sailors cocks out of your mouth, do I?'
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Greyfox
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Post by Greyfox » Fri Sep 12, 2008 9:28 am

locking down "adrianbean threads"... :)
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sscott
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Post by sscott » Fri Sep 12, 2008 1:41 pm

Dennis Pennis 'interviewing' Steve Martin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TXQ1K91yh0
"How come your not funny anymore?" - classic!
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