Rose-tinted glasses - you chose the 100 worst retro games

Discuss and discover all the great games of yesteryear!

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Belgarath
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Post by Belgarath » Sat Mar 10, 2007 7:26 am

The Amiga version is pretty poor as well.

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batman877
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Post by batman877 » Wed Mar 14, 2007 10:50 am

I wanted to nominate Count Duckula II on the Amstrad but seeing as that is already taken I'll go for...

Gazza's Superstar Soccer (Empire, 1989) Amstrad CPC

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I paid £14.99 for the disk version of this the day it was released. I should have waited for the Amstrad Action review.

It's completely unplayable as the camera keeps changing views and as such the controls change function every 4 seconds...

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Sputryk
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Post by Sputryk » Mon Mar 19, 2007 2:38 pm

WAR - Speccy

It was the first, last and only time that I have been talked into buying a game recommended by the shop. I forget which game I went in to buy (possibly the Crash Smash 'Dan Dare') but, as they didn't have it and as I wanted something new to play, I decided to listen-and-buy. There was no play-before-you-buy in this shop.

It's a shmup. The playing area is so tiny as to require a magnifying glass. The play area is also monochrome with no distinction between objects to avoid and objects that can be destroyed. You couldn't leave each level until everything that could be destroyed, was! It could perhaps be considered the pre-cursor to the great Uridium, though such comparison could be litiginous! The 128k version was enhanced though not having such a machine I have never found out whether such enhancements were worthwhile.

After a couple of games it was consigned to my Get Lost box and has never been played again. Crash magazine was a little kind to the game giving it something like 65% - I would have given it barely half that, mainly for the scrolling which was rather smooth (though it would have been criminal not to be given the screen size!).

It is a pointless game with no addiction feel to it whatsoever. Anyone who does like it must be clearly deluded. I still feel cheated of my hard-earned money.

DO NOT buy it to try it, just take my advice! And emu-ing it is a waste of time. :D

thl
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Post by thl » Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:35 am

It's got to be Ace of Aces on the Master System. I can't believe how terrible it was when I first play it. And yes it's old. It's another unattractive flight simulator game which had nothing to offer.

Messy control response, dodgy graphics and ravaged gameplay made me felt as if I was getting lost in a place out of nowhere. It's very uncontrollable that it definitely be described as 'pathetically diabolical'.

Should deserve to be in the top 20.


The Heroic Legend

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MikeHaggar
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Post by MikeHaggar » Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:40 am

Had Ace of Aces on the 7800. What's with the need to cram 100's of different commands into a controller that got 2 buttons, eh?

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EvilArmourKing
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Post by EvilArmourKing » Tue Mar 20, 2007 11:18 pm

Maybe my memories don't serve me so well, but I remember cursing and smacking my first ever Speccy +2 very hard whenever I tried to play Renegade III - The Final Chapter.

After quite possibly the best beat em up to appear on a home computer, I was so excited when I saw this in the shops - I took a sub from my paper round wages to buy it the next morning.

Was showing it off to all my mates at school all day and all I could think about was the bell ringing at 3.15pm, and off home to get all joyous.

Well, let me tell you - I stopped smiling after about 5 mins of playing this utter dross and I was in shock as too how infuriating this game could be at times.

The sprite collision was horrific at the best of times and the difficulty setting was simply barbaric.

I wrote a letter to the programmers thanking them for making it "The Final Chapter" cause if I ever had to play such a stinky pile of vomit again, I'd give up gaming and move on to sewing. I also included a pic of my badly mangled +2 asking them if they would be so kind as to replace it, but they didn't :evil:

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DJevAL
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Re:

Post by DJevAL » Wed Mar 21, 2007 6:46 am

felgekarp wrote:
woody.cool wrote:
paranoid marvin wrote:Have we ever had a decent port of DD1?
Either Amstrad CPC version (8-bit) or the Amiga version (16-bit)
Here's a review of the Amstrad version, not by me, so we'll have to take you're word for it being any good Woody.
Billy's girlfriend Marian has been kidnapped by a ruthless gang, so he has to go and save her. As you might have guessed, this is a run-of-the-mill beat-em-'up consisting of five levels, and it is almost certainly one of, if not the easiest game ever to come out on the CPC; you should be able to complete it on your first go! The graphics are pretty neat and very colourful, but the only sound to be heard is when you're punching bad guys. The game also moves and scrolls extremely slowly, and it's likely that you'll probably switch off rather than bother to complete it.
Thats a review of the first port of DD on the Amstrad by Melbourne House, which was fairly ok but far too easy. Most peeps use the later Virgin release.

See this link for the story of the 2 versions - http://doubledragon.classicgaming.games ... stery.html

And this for the review of the good version - http://doubledragon.classicgaming.games ... damst.html

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The Penultimate Ninja
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Post by The Penultimate Ninja » Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:23 am

So what number are we up to now?

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Belgarath
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Post by Belgarath » Wed Mar 21, 2007 10:54 am

By my reckoning the next one will be No. 73 and yet there's no sign of Sandi Toksvig!

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Kickboxingshrimp
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Post by Kickboxingshrimp » Wed Mar 21, 2007 4:46 pm

*Whatever number it is*

Football manager World cup edition (Amstrad)

oh my god....slow, crap, no skill involved

i bought it full price at wh smiths, and even my pleas that my granny bought it twice, they wouldnt let me take it back..

i cried...it was crap
Stay Tuna`d

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Madge
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Post by Madge » Sun Mar 25, 2007 5:17 pm

This list should include Custer's Revenge (Atari 2600). A few years ago I actually downloaded the ROM out of morbid curiosity. Suffice to say I deleted it a few minutes later. If there's one game which doesn't deserve to be preserved through emulation this would be it.
Why retro? Because you never forget your first love.

Bub&Bob
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Post by Bub&Bob » Fri Mar 30, 2007 9:13 am

As much as I don't want the C64 to be top of the platform list I have to nominate...............

Roy of the Rovers - Gremlin 1988

(who's nicked the goal posts)
The dry fart for Barry MacDermot and all the cancer patients in the Glamorgan testicle ward

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Ergon Ronay
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Re:

Post by Ergon Ronay » Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:19 pm

will2097 wrote:
The Penultimate Ninja wrote:
will2097 wrote: and (if I'm allowed) I want to nomiate
Just the one nomination per person, unfortunately.

...:( Alfred Hitchcock then... (but someone please nominate Plumbers Don't wear ties - please!!!!)
Will, or should I call you 3DO kid!. Read your site all the time...I too own a lovely 3DO and use it to source info on the games. Plumber Don't Wear Ties.... OMG! this came bundled with my 3DO over ebay...it's utter tripe. A waste of a CD and the cost of packaging.
Some people have more fingers in more pies, than a leper in a cookery contest!

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paranoid marvin
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Re:

Post by paranoid marvin » Wed Apr 04, 2007 3:34 pm

Ergon Ronay wrote:
will2097 wrote:
The Penultimate Ninja wrote: Just the one nomination per person, unfortunately.

...:( Alfred Hitchcock then... (but someone please nominate Plumbers Don't wear ties - please!!!!)
Will, or should I call you 3DO kid!. Read your site all the time...I too own a lovely 3DO and use it to source info on the games. Plumber Don't Wear Ties.... OMG! this came bundled with my 3DO over ebay...it's utter tripe. A waste of a CD and the cost of packaging.
I've always wanted to play this game ,just to see if it's as bad as they make out - because I like FMV games,dodgy acting or no
Mr Flibble says...
"Game over , boys!"

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woody.cool
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Post by woody.cool » Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:16 pm

batman877 wrote:I wanted to nominate Count Duckula II on the Amstrad but seeing as that is already taken I'll go for...

Gazza's Superstar Soccer (Empire, 1989) Amstrad CPC

Image

I paid £14.99 for the disk version of this the day it was released. I should have waited for the Amstrad Action review.

It's completely unplayable as the camera keeps changing views and as such the controls change function every 4 seconds...
Unlucky you, I only shelled out £4.99 for it when I was a kid (Wellsbourne Market :D ) but I must say, it's one seriously sh!t football game. In fact, I'd go as far as saying it's the worst footy game I've ever played!!!
Kickboxingshrimp wrote:*Whatever number it is*

Football manager World cup edition (Amstrad)

oh my god....slow, crap, no skill involved

i bought it full price at wh smiths, and even my pleas that my granny bought it twice, they wouldnt let me take it back..

i cried...it was crap
Yet again, another footy game I shelled out for, and I felt proper ripped-off when it enventually loaded up!!! Playability factor - 0.

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